What Everybody Ought to Know About Self-Confidence – Part 3
Notes for Strengthening Self-Confidence
Every day I see people with problems. Someone has a problem with gambling, someone with alcohol, someone with obesity… and every man has its own view of the problem.
Depending on how you see the problem, the solution will come. There are people who love to point out their problems to others, to increase their sense of importance. There are people who are deeply unsure of themselves. They do believe that they are not capable. There are people who love problems. They just call them differently – challenges and goals… 
Can you imagine what your life would be like with a strong self-confidence? You would have stability of mind regardless of the situation. This will help you to solve many problems, make you life more enjoyable and improve your life quality.
In this article I will point out to 11 key self-confidence building points. Read carefully. Apply massively. Learn. Evolve. Grow.
Perfectionism, Accepting Imperfections
- Perfection is the belief. The belief that there is a condition that is absolute, complete, best possible.
- There is a negative reaction to this belief (imperfection of perfection ) It can cause excessive dedication to detail, emotional sensitivity to any form of not fulfilled expectation, stress, fear, worry and stopping (blocking) of normal behavior (or, in other words, procrastination.)
- What is the solution? Accept imperfections.
- There’s no such thing as perfection. Perfection is unattainable intention. I do not know any perfect person, object, idea or product. You? It’s just a belief, a myth.
- Accept that at this point, you’re not perfect. And you will grow.
- Do not focus on the perfect plan. Make the average plan of action, and work. Make it happen. Attempt is important. The effort is important.
- However, perfection can still be used for the positive purposes. Perfection is the belief that will motivate you to increase your standards.
Shyness
- Shyness is a feeling of fear in social situations.
- Fear from what? Fear of embarrassment, that painful emotion which is a reaction on disapproval of others.
- So, shyness is a feeling of discomfort in social situations, Shy person feels fear that the other people (in social situations) will not accept that person. A fear that someone will criticize him-her.
- Shyness can be removed. How? Simply remove the necessity that you need someone’s approval in social situations.
- You can not satisfy everyone.
- You can not please all the people in your environment. And why would you change your attitude because of someone else’s opinions and values? Do not care if you do something, because of what others is going to gossip and criticize you. Trust yourself.
Fear of Failure
- Fear of failure is the fear that things will not go the way we wish.
- With failure I do not feel the best.
- However, do not allow yourself to be blocked by fear.
- Failure is only an illusion of the mind.
- Go beyond the illusion, to build the life you want.
- Mistakes are great learning opportunities because they draw strong emotions.
- You need to learn from the mistakes.
- To learn from the mistakes you have to create them.
- With the “method of trial and error” you will learn a lot, just a start yourself.
Body language
- Self-confidence is best seen through your body position.
- Body language is closely bound with confidence.
- Many experts on self-confidence talk about body language. They say that if we change our body language will change the internal state.
- Don’t believe me or experts but try for yourself. Walk confidently, put the energy into motion, look someone in the eyes (or eyebrows for start) and see your internal reaction.
- Explore a little more on the Internet on the correlation between self-confidence and body language, and give it a try.
Work out, Exercise
- Exercise is always beneficial.
- Exercise is a very easy way to build self-confidence. Not only because of the beautiful body and a better attitude, but also because it will give you energy and endurance in difficult circumstances.
- Find motivation. Something like - “To look good and feel better about myself.”
- Start simple. Focus on simple exercise and healthy eating.
- Set mini goals.
Other people’s opinions and approval
- As long as you do not hurt other people (or law) you can say, think or do whatever you want. It’s nice to have other people’s approval, but it is not so important.
- Everyone has a collection of beliefs. And you’ve got them too. Everyone is entitled to their opinion. And you are, too.
- If you receive approval, great, it is a nice feeling. If not, there is no need to worry about it.
- Also, there is no need to change your opinions & beliefs to please other people. If someone requests that from you, and use deceptive techniques to do this, then it is a psychological manipulation. My advice is to avoid it.
- Do what you believe is right!
Understanding the uniqueness
- We all have similarities and differences.
- Accept that you are unique. Human beings and our lives are so complex that can not be two identical human beings.
- When I had low self esteem I expect everyone to understand me. I was angry at myself because I was not like others. And they are not like me.
- You can not expect that everyone is the same as you. It is unrealistic expectation.
- Enjoy yourself. With all the virtues and defects. There is no need to strive to be like the others. Nor expect others to be like you. This is unrealistic.
Do not try to define yourself
- Once you stop to compare with others, stop comparing with yourself.
- You are not good, nor bad. You are what you do in the present moment. Everything else is a set of datas, also known as “history” and/or “fiction.”
- Any further attempt to define yourself will be without success.
- In some circumstances in your life you’ve been angry. In some circumstances, you were smiling. So, what are “you” then? Happy person, or angry person?
- Someone will say, “but I have not changed, I’m angry most of the time” – but is it more important what is happening in the present moment, or what happens most of time. You are “all kinds of everything.” Enjoy it.
- With this knowledge you’ll be much more relaxed in all the circumstances, and you will not expect unrealistic stuf of yourself.
Poor self-confidence and arrogance
- Too much of confidence (arrogance) is the same as too low self-confidence. Both are probably not what you want.
Labeling
- What is the label? In my opinion label is a brief description of something.
- What does that have to do with self-confidence?
- When you describe something in a short way, you exclude everything else that it represents.
- If I am a person with low self-confidence, and someone tells me I am “stupid” in some event, I would tie this brief description, leaving out that I sometimes smart and sometimes stupid.
- The labels are not realistic! Believe in yourself despite them!
Insecure, non-confident people and manipulators
- One of the signs of low self-confidence is “insecurity.”
- Insecurity is the reaction of doubt in its own evaluation. The lack of stability and determination.
- Indecisive people with lack of self-confidence are suitable for the manipulators.
- (Psychological) Manipulation is the use of aggressive, devious and deceptive methods of persuading people to do something.
- Manipulators will try to blackmail you, to act, lie, yell, cry ask confusing questions, to find your weak points and strike at them, cause guilt and everything else, just to have a sense of control over you.
- How to deal with these people? 1) Build your self-confidence. 2) Learn about the manipulators, in order to recognize them. 3) Be determined.
- Determination is a characteristic of self-confident people. Determination means that you have a firm intention.
- Now you need awareness and commitment to prevent manipulators to manage you.
Conclusion
This is the last post in a series of posts about self-confidence. I hope that you find this series interesting. If you have a comment, feel free to say…
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Hi Marko,
Working out is a very good point, because when we feel physically capable we are more confident in our abilities. This is especially true for elderly people who feel insecure or have a fear of falling. In addition, when we are in shape, we are most apt to do things, because the soreness is lesser afterward, and this eliminates the excuse. Just being tone and having physical balance really does cause a change in your outlook. If we recognize our weakness and do something about it our confidence naturally takes a jump. It all goes, full circle really, if you are in shape you have better posture and so forth…
I enjoyed your series very much Marko, you did an excellent job delivering your understanding!
I have greatly enjoyed your series of posts here on self-confidence. You have broken it down into nice bite-sized chunks which allows a person to grasp an area and make one change at a time; and thats what it is all about. Self-confidence is easily built when you approach it in a manageable manner.
@Sandra
With exercise I have experienced the opportunity to set me a challenge, achieve it and set a higher goal. It influenced the growth of my body and my confidence.
Plus, I felt energetic, firm…
Exercise can strengthen self-confidence. It is a fact! Thanks for the comment, I am glad you like it.
@Roseanna
Hey Roseanna, welcome to CalmGrowth.com, I am glad that you enjoyed this series… thanks…
Marco,
Perfection is enemy for growth and enjoyment. We all have fear for failure, or worse sometimes fear of success too.
I have a friend who is only one successful in her family and it causes her remorse often and she does many thing to sabotage her own success.
Over confidence is also another sign of low self esteem.
Hey Preeti… Great points in your comment. Thanks for dropping by!
Marko,
Nice post as usual.
I fall “victim” to the perfectionist. It took me a while to realize that I was obsessively compulsive with perfecting certain things. Not all the time but a good majority of the time. It may be that I don’t like failure (who does?). It may be a standard that I set for myself. I know I have used it in a productive manner and feel like anyone else could. I rather deal with a perfectionist than an underachieving slob any day. As long as that perfectionist is me!
Exercise is a great way to build confidence. Meditation also.
Marko,
Thank you for such detailed instructions on how to build self confidence in many areas in our lives. There is so much information that I don’t know where to begin. Thank you for taking the time to research and provide all of this valuable information. Great Job!
Hi Marko,
I’m going to keep it short and very sweet. There is so much wisdom in this one post it could easily become a book. One more word. WOW!
@Ali
Thank you Ali, well, perfection does not hurt, it can motivate us to raise standards, but it can harm you when fear of imperfections makes you give up trying… Fear of action is a behavior that is not exactly the best for growth.
@Frank
Thanks Frank, I’m glad you found this article useful. For start you can scan the list and find things that interest you most…
@Tess
Tess, thanks for the nice comment, I appreciate it!
Marko: Great series of posts. I have enjoyed them all. In terms of this part 3, I thought your advice that you are what you do in the present moment was such powerful information. It really sums everything up so nicely and is so empowering. We really can choose to increase our self confidence, perceive situations in a better way, and do anything else just by living out the present moment in the way we desire. Thanks for sharing all of your insights.
Sibyl, present moment is the most powerful and logical thing that anyone can understand. Still, it’s hard for us to shift thinking.
Thanks for the comment…
Hi Marko,
These are all very important and great points. When we allow labels we invite limit. By age four we have already taken on labels that make us feel insecure. We put a great curse on ourselves when we identify with ridiculing remarks and painful labels. We must turn from those limiting labels by turning deep within, and asking to see ourselves differently. The Authentic-You which is unlimited cannot be labeled or defined. When we are label free we are limitless.
Hi Marko,
Great post. Self confidence is so important.
Not having it holds up back from becoming fully actualized and having too much puffs up our ego to the point where as you pointed out we become arrogant.
Thanks for all the terrific insight.
@rob
Hey Rob, good point. I totally agree with you. Thanks for the comment…
@Angela
Thank you Angela for the comment, self-confidence is very important, and the study of self-confidence led me to a huge jump in my own personal development.
Hi Marko.
Indecisive people who lack self-confidence sure are suitable victims for manipulators. It is easy to take advantage of someone who is not even sure of themselves. This is why there are folks that are more than glad to maintain or increase the current levels of these types of folks, as they relate to maintaining or increasing profits.
On that part about approval, we sure don’t need it all the time. It is good to have sometimes, but we can run on auto-pilot until it arrives on its own. There is no need to constantly search for approval, because it often won’t come until we don’t really need it anyway.
Indeed it is… I am glad that we agree Armen, thanks for the comment…